Jessica Jahiel's HORSE-SENSE Newsletter Archives

Problems with riding instructor

From: Janelle Gunther

Your advice on selecting stables and instructors (taken from your new book) saved me a lot of heartache when I decided to get back into riding after a long hiatus. It was helpful to have a list of things to look for and to do. Once you do find an instructor that "clicks" with you, how should you deal with problems that come up in the lessons? As in all relationships there are bound to be some rough times but what is the proper "etiquette" for addressing one's frustrations in a situation where you are paying for a service?

Let me list some of the things that have happened in some of my lessons from the distant past:

The instructor tells me to "continue trotting around the ring" and then goes to the rail to have a conversation with someone. These lasted long enough to be more than just someone saying "oh what horse should so and so ride in their lesson..." or "here's a check for such and such thing..." The conversations may last only a minute or two but I feel that detracts way too much from a 30 minute lesson that doesn't ever go overtime. (in the previous sentence "o" should be "two"...sorry I can't erase!)

Lessons that start late more than a few times

The instructor asks me to do something I don't feel comfortable with or asks me to ride a horse I feel is too much to handle.

How would you recommend discussing such problems with an instructor. ? What is the best way to express frustration or dissapointment without seemed hostile or overly demanding?

I'm also wondering if such subjects should be discussed "up-front" once you select an instructor. Should you mention the things you feel uncomfortable about or find frustrating? IT seems like a sensitive issue because even the nicest instructors with the best of hearts probably don't want to hear "I will not put up with this... I will not put up with that...or I don't like...."

Would you shed some light on this and also mention what you feel would be appropriate responses from the instructor?

Thanks Janelle

Hi Janelle! What a lot of good questions! You've obviously been thinking about this matter for some time. Your list sounds very familiar... and I'm happy to hear that you now have a good instructor who doesn't do those things.

What I see in your question is really TWO separate topics: one is whether your previous instructors behaved in a professional manner (they didn't) and whether you were right to leave them (you were); the other is whether you might have been able to change their behaviour (it's possible) and whether there is some way to ensure that you and your current instructor keep communicating well and stay on the right track (there is).

Once you have found the right instructor for you, it's worth investing some effort to keep her, and to keep your lessons running smoothly. Honesty is generally the best policy -- but even honesty should be diplomatic. There are always several ways to phrase the same request or comment -- and some of those ways will always get a better reception than others!

When you hire a professional, which is what you are doing, you have the right to expect her to behave in a professional manner. You also have the right to discuss any problems with her, and to try to arrive at a solution that is mutually agreeable. If this -- the discussion OR the solution -- isn't possible, you have EVERY right to take your business elsewhere. You MUST feel that, when you are in a lesson, you have the full attention and focus of the professional whom you are paying for that lesson. You can vote with your feet -- and with your money. You've done that, haven't you? This is your NEW instructor, after all, which means that you are no longer taking lessons from the people who did the unprofessional things on your list.

I understand that you want some assurance that this time things really ARE different, and that you've found "your" instructor at last. Here are my suggestions:

To begin, assume that your new instructor IS professional, and DOES want to help you, and INTENDS to give you a good lesson. Approach her on this basis -- and do it soon, instead of waiting until something happens that reminds you of a previous bad experience! If this happens, you will be too frustrated and upset to talk rationally, so have a good PREVENTIVE conversation -- you will accomplish more.

There's no need to antagonize your new instructor, and no need to announce that you WILL NOT TOLERATE this or that or the other habit or behaviour. Instead, invite your new, nice instructor for a cup of coffee (or tea) and tell her how much you enjoy her lessons, and how frustrated you were in the past, when other, less professional, less focused instructors did this, or that, or the other. It will get your message across very clearly -- these are behaviours you cannot and will not accept -- but in a friendly context, "Thank you for being more competent and caring and professional than THAT lot." Trust me, there's not an instructor alive who would object to hearing that she is better and more professional than your previous instructors.

Good instructors want to know about their students -- if you have a physical disability of some kind, or a medical condition, or if you take pills that make you a bit unsure of your balance, these are things that your instructor NEEDS to know. If you are dead terrified of jumping, or of losing control of the horse, or of falling off -- or if you get sick before each lesson out of fear of working without stirrups, these are also things that your instructor needs to know. Her interest is in keeping you safe, teaching you well, and having you feel pleased with yourself, the horse, and your progress at the end of the session. The better she knows you, the more easily she can look out for you.

Your instructor won't think she's being warned off (which she isn't, you've already said that you like her and that she is a truly GOOD instructor)! She WILL think that you are a particularly thoughtful sort of student, and that you care very much about your lessons and your progress, and that you have a clear understanding of HER part in your progress.... and aren't those exactly the points you wanted to make?

Jessica

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