From: Tracy
Dear Jessica, I hope you can help me with my problem. My horse is really nervous but my trainer says she's just a brat. I think she's nervous because the more my trainer punishes her, the worse she gets, and wouldn't she get better if she was just being bratty? That makes sense to me and my friends, but my trainer says Callie is just stubborn and trying to push all the limits. She never does anything that bad as far as I can tell, and she's okay when I ride her except for worrying about dark places. And even then shes usually okay if I back off some and just let her stand and look at the dark place. My trainer says I'm letting Callie get away with stuff, but I don't think so. I like to look into dark places so my eyes can adjust, before I go there, so why isn't this okay for Callie to? My trainer is really good with show horses, but I'm not interested in shows, just riding for fun, and some trail riding. Mostly I just like to be with my horse.
Thank you in advance for your great advice. Tracy (P.S I love horse sense!!!!!!) P.S. again. After I let Callie look in the dark places, she always goes there when I ask her to.
It sounds to me as though you are a suitable rider for Callie -- you know when to back off and leave Callie a little breathing space, and that lets her calm down. That way, the two of you never get into fights! Your trainer, on the other hand, sounds like a more aggressive personality who doesn't always recognize when backing off is the right thing to do.
Part of becoming a real rider, as opposed to just a passenger, is developing "feel." This means learning to LISTEN to the horse, learning understand what the horse needs at a particular moment, and learning to respond appropriately. Appropriate response, with ANY horse, will be different according to what the situation is and what the horse's needs are at that moment -- and that means that sometimes the right thing to do is push a little, and sometimes the right thing to do is back off. It sounds to me as though you are already developing into a real rider! ;-)
Horses are very, very sensitive to the moods and emotional states of their riders. A calm and loving rider can make a horse relaxed -- an angry and aggressive rider will make a horse tense, and can make a nervous horse SO nervous that it just can't cope, and either has to explode or "tune out", depending on its personality. None of this is magical -- horses are sensitive animals and horses are HERD animals, and their survival can depend on their sensitivity to the emotions and moods of those close to them. And no-one is closer than the rider, so the horse is reading the rider through the aids, but also through the rider's posture, breathing, heart rate, involuntary movements.... all of these, and more, tell the horse how that rider is feeling.
Part of the difference between you and your trainer may be the fact that you have more "feel" -- part of it may be the fact that you are less tense than she is. This could be just a basic personality difference, made worse by the difference between your interests and goals. It's hard for a high-power, fast-lane, show-oriented trainer to know exactly what to do with a horse and rider who just want to learn quietly and enjoy each other in the pasture or out on the trails.
I suspect that your trainer -- probably NOT on purpose -- intimidatees Callie, who then becomes nervous and "tunes out", and that this makes your instructor angry and she pushes Callie harder instead of letting her relax and starting again.
Try to have a quiet talk with your trainer. Let her know that you are worried about the communication problems between her and your horse, and between her and YOU. Talk to her about your riding goals and about what you want from Callie. If your trainer is strictly show-oriented, as you say, and is used to dealing with high-power, extrovert horses destined for show careers, she may just not know how to deal with a more introverted, nervous horse like Callie. But whatever the reason for the problem, it's something you need to iron out before your horse gets really frightened, your trainer gets really angry, or YOU end up having to do something to your horse that you don't want to do. And if you do end up looking for a different trainer, someone who is more sensitive to this type of horse, don't leave your current trainer in an angry mood. She's probably doing the best she can do, according to her own training and experience and expectations. If her style doesn't work for you and Callie, then leave, but do it in as friendly a way as you can manage. You may even find out that your trainer will be relieved to hear that you are leaving -- she may be doing her very best to help you in the only way she knows how, and in that case she is almost certainly frustrated by the way things are going. She might even be happy to recommend someone else who could work with you and Callie.
Good luck, let me know what happens!
Jessica
Jessica Jahiel's HORSE-SENSE is a free, subscriber-supported electronic Q&A email newsletter which deals with all aspects of horses, their management, riding, and training. For more information, please visit www.horse-sense.org
Please visit Jessica Jahiel: Holistic Horsemanship® [www.jessicajahiel.com] for more information on Jessica Jahiel's clinics, video lessons, phone consultations, books, articles, columns, and expert witness and litigation consultant services.