From: Judy
Jessica --
First, I want to tell you how much I appreciate this service. I've learned so much just by reading questions and your responses. I also appreciate your caring concern for the horse and the effort to see things from the horse's perspective.
I feel like I have so many questions wrapped up into this one question: "Now what do I do?" I'm an adult beginner (age 32) who's learning the hard way about being prepared (or not prepared) to own a horse. First, I allowed myself to be pressured into buying a young (2-yr.old) Appaloosa named Precious about two years ago. I bought her from a friend (Joan) who'd been teaching me about being around horses and allowed me to start riding one of her other mares (Lucky) who was very gentle and well-schooled (she had worked as a children's pay-for-a-ride carnival horse and was very forgiving). I had always wanted a horse and was very enthusiastic about finally being around horses. Too enthusiastic and in too much of a hurry, so that I let myself be chided into buying a horse without shopping around. I bought Precious (Lucky had died that summer) because she was spunky and moved very smoothly for a comfortable trot -- I like her spirit. These friends and horses were like my family -- how could a horse from there not be right for me, I thought. Well, I now see lots of reasons -- Precious is a young horse (still -- she's just four now), she's headstrong, I have many disagreements with how Joan has learned to work with horses, I was and am inexperienced, I don't even have an instructor (Joan was my first "horse mentor" but there was not a set lesson schedule, plus I want to learn different ways of dealing with horses). I did send Precious to a trainer for two months. The trainer was very pleased with her and kept talking about what a great trail horse she is and how much endurance she has -- he did say, though, that she's not the type of horse to give someone a nice, easy ride. Then, of course, she came back to my inexperienced riding and we had a harder time than ever. To complicate it all, I've been dealing with upheaval in my personal life and haven't made the time to work with her regularly in about 4-5 months (Precious is probably relieved, actually!). So, it's time for me to look all this in the face. Do I have any business owning this particular horse? Do I have any business owning any horse at this time? I wonder if my monthly boarding money would be better spent on some good riding lessons while I shop for another horse and take the time to be really prepared to have one. But, it seems just when I've decided to sell Precious, I see her wonderful potential and I wonder if there could be some hope for us as a horse and rider pair. I don't know how to evaluate the odds.
As a somewhat separate issue, if I do decide to keep Precious, I feel like I need to move her to a different place. Joan has told me how terribly traumatic it is for a horse to be moved and to have a different routine and how quickly and seriously it can affect their health. I'm wondering if it's that threatening to them, as horses are sold and moved all the time, right? Also, my friend has learned a very rough, demanding, and almost violent way to deal with horses that I'm not the least bit comfortable with. At first, I thought it was my inexperience and "wimpy-ness" that wouldn't allow me to hit or yell. But I know for sure there's a different way to do things. Is there EVER a time to hit or kick a horse or yank a nose chain? Finally, if you have any suggestions about how I (an inexperienced "kid" to her (!) - she's 53) could show Joan a different way to deal with her horses, I'd appreciate hearing them.
Thank you so much, Jessica, for any input you could offer.
Judy Flavell
First, you need to have someone else to work with. Your friend's methods are not appropriate or safe -- horses will always try to run from unpleasant situations, but if they can't escape, they WILL eventually fight back. You do NOT need to be put into an adversarial relationship with a horse! Furthermore -- and I wish I had a dollar for every situation like yours, I'd be SO rich! -- you may find that the more you learn about horses and training, the less respect you have for your friend, and the more your friendship will suffer. I think you already know this... and your chances of converting Joan to a better way of doing things are probably the classic three chances (fat, slim, and none). IF you move away, find a good teacher and eventually a suitable horse, Joan MIGHT learn something from your example -- but don't count on it. To her, you will probably always be "the kid."
Second, when you say that you wonder whether you might be better off using your money for riding lessons and becoming more competent and knowledgeable BEFORE you try owning a horse, I think you've already answered your own question and just need a little reinforcement. I'm happy to oblige! OF COURSE you'd be better off. My recommendation to you: 1) find a good instructor, 2) take lessons with her on other horses until both of you feel that you are ready to own a horse, and then 3) enlist her help in finding you the RIGHT horse, which will be a horse that knows enough and is generous enough to allow you to have fun and focus on your own riding. You don't need a horse that makes you anxious and forces you to spend all your time focusing on "not messing up the horse."
Now, about Precious -- she is still very young, and "potential" is a good thing, but it requires an experienced rider/trainer to bring it out. If you can afford to send Precious back to the trainer who liked her so much, keep her there for a month, and then turn her out in a pasture for six months or so while you take lessons, that might work! But any horse has "potential" in less useful areas -- such as injuries and vet bills -- so if you can't afford to maintain this horse in a safe situation (turned out would be best) until you are more able to work with her, it might be best to let her go -- and here again, the trainer who liked her so much would probably be the best person to sell her for you. But take your time, don't be in a hurry -- your first job is to find a GOOD riding instructor, and once you've found her, she'll be able to advise you (even about what to do with Precious!). You might look at my article in the January issue of Practical Horseman, "Finding the Right Instructor" -- it's a condensed version of the book chapter. I'd tell you to read the book, since it addresses all of your questions in detail, but it won't be out until April!
As for moving a horse to a different place -- don't worry. Again, your new instructor will be able to advise you, and so will your vet! Horses get moved all the time, and even if they've lived in the same place for ten years, they adjust. Sometimes they are very happy to move! As long as they are well-treated in the new place, and their feed isn't changed suddenly (make any feed changes slowly and gradually, over a week or two), and as long as they are going somewhere that allows plenty of light and fresh air and exercise, they're just fine. In fact, one of my students moved her old gelding to a new barn two years ago, and was very worried because he was going from a big stall with a run, in a fancy barn, to a small stall and daily turnout in a much less posh place. But he was visibly happy from day one -- he gained weight, calmed down, relaxed enough to lie down to sleep, and in every way showed how much he preferred his new home to his old one!
When you look for your new instructor, your new barn, and your new horse, TAKE YOUR TIME and TRUST YOUR JUDGEMENT. If your instructor's style appeals to you and her students and horses all look cheerful and happy, she's a good bet. If the barn is clean and the hay is good-quality and all the horses look healthy and friendly, it's a good bet. And as for the horse... wait a while before you buy another one. After even six months of regular lessons, you'll have a much clearer idea of what kind of horse you will enjoy, and you'll have an instructor who will be able to help you find that horse.
- Jessica
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